Humortråd

Hehe

jag tycker detta är bra.
keep up the good work

Two entrepreneurs, Jack and John, decided to start a bungee-jumping business south of the border. They went to Casa del Sol, Mexico, built a huge platform, and opened for business.
By noon the first day, they both noticed that while everyone was watching, no one was buying tickets.

Jack told John to go up and jump, so everyone could see how much fun it was, and then they would buy tickets and try it.

John jumped, almost reached the ground, and sprang back up. Jack saw that his shirt was torn and his hair was mussed.

John came down again and sprang back up. This time he had several bruises and his clothes were ripped to shreds.

The third time down and back up, and he had several open wounds, a broken arm, and was bruised over most of his body.

Jack quickly raised John to the platform and asked him what in the world was going on.

John replied, 'I'm not sure. Do you know what 'pinata' means?'

haha :e

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone the mother turned to the father.

The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!"

The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"

A woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a bridal shop and asks for a white dress.

"You can't wear white.", reminds the sales clerk, "You've been married three times already."

"Of course I can, I'm a virgin!", says the bride. "Impossible", says the sales clerk.

"Unfortunately not", the bride explained. "My first husband was a psychologist. All he wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist. All he wanted to do was look at it. My third husband was a stamp collector.... God I miss him"

After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things, but nothing works.

Finally the doctor says to him, "this is all in your mind," and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."

Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.

The witch doctor tells him, "I can cure this," and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.... The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The guy then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it's over?"

The witch doctor says "all you have to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!"

The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news.... So he is lying in bed with her and says '123', and suddenly he gets an erection.

His wife turns over and says "What did you say '123' for?"

Ajajaj...vilket öde :e :e
Att tiga hade varit guld värt...haha.

Two Italian virgins get married and go on their honeymoon. However, they have no idea what they're supposed to do once they get to their hotel room.

The newlyweds decide to call the groom's mother and get some advice on what to do. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together and snuggle with each other and things should start to happen from there. The newlyweds start to do this but nothing else happens. 

The groom calls his mother back to find out what to do next. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers in bed and nature should takes its course. The bride and groom take his mother's advice but still nothing.

He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation she says, "Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest thing!" and hangs up on him.

A few minutes later, he reluctantly calls his mother back, "Well, I have my nose in her armpit. What do I do next?"

Maria gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A few weeks later, she dies. At the funeral, the priest looks skyward.
"At least they're finally together."

"Excuse me, Father," says one of her sons, "but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"

"I mean her legs."

Two midgets on a bender in Vegas hire two hookers and take 'em out for a night on the town. After cocktails and gambling, they all head back to their hotel room at the MGM Grand.
However, the night doesn't quite turn out as planned. Since he's had too much to drink, one of the midgets can't get it up at all, and, to make matters worse, he has to listen to the other one say "1, 2, 3, huh," over and over again, all night. The next morning, the first midget is complaining.

"Man, did that suck. I was soft all night."

"You think that's bad," said the other midget. "I couldn't even get onto the bed."

En gammal man gifter sig med en yngre kvinna och trots att de är jättekära
i varandra så kan inte kvinnan få orgasm när de älskar.

De går till en psykolog för att få hjälp och får rådet att hyra in en ung,
snygg man som ska vifta en handduk över dem medan de har sex.

Paret tycker att det låter lite märkligt, men eftersom de är desperata gör
de som psykologen har föreslagit.
Men trots de nya försöken med den handduksviftande mannen i högsta hugg så
går det i alla fall inte för kvinnan.

Desperata att nå resultat byter den äldre mannen och handdukskillen plats.
Kvinnan och den yngre mannen sätter igång omedelbart får hon en jätteorgasm.

Hennes man tittar på den yngre killen med ett leende och säger:
"Där ser du grabben, så ska en handduk viftas."

Ok.. det var ett tag sedan historien skrevs... men fan vad skön! Riktigt bra... :)

Ganska bra historier Bendro! :e

asgoa historier...

Enjoy those government benefits while you can. Consider the couple in their late 60s who went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

"Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" the man asked.

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. The doctor examined them, then directed them to disrobe and begin. When the couple finished, the doctor reexamined them and, upon completion, advised the couple, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."

He then charged them $32.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems, get dressed, pay the doctor and leave.

Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

"Oh," said the man. "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married, so we can't go to my house. The motel down the road charges $60. The one across the street charges $78. We do it here for $32 and I get $28 back from Medicaid.

A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown"
The small white guy faints! The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the small guy. "What's wrong?" The small white guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?" The big dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown. "The small guy says, "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around.'"

. :e :e

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells
extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?

A woman walked into the pharmacy and asked for a vibrator.
The pharmacist gestured with his index finger and said, "Come this way."
The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need a vibrator!"

lol :e :e

A market researcher called at a house and his knock wa 1000 s answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their many products was Vaseline and she certainly knew of that product.

When asked if she used it, the answer was "Yes, we use it when we have sexual intercourse".

The interviewer was amazed. He said, "I always ask that question because everyone uses our product and they always say they use it for the child's bicycle chain, or the gate hinge or some other purpose; but I know that most people really use it for sexual intercourse, they just don't like to say so. Since you've been so frank, could you tell me exactly how you use it?"

We put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out".