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Bigger Boobs

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small.
''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks.
The next day her husband buys her a mirror.
Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?''
Finally he gets so annoyed. '' I know how to make them larger,'' he says.
''How!?!?!?'' she asks.
''Take a bunch of toilet paper and rub it in between your boobs.''
''Well how long does it take?'' she asks.
''They should expand over the years,'' he answered.
''How did you know that?'' she wonders.
''It worked for your ass, didn't it?'''

The Confession
Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife's side. ''Sleep now, its all right,'' he told her. But she kept trying to sit up and said, ''Honey, I really need to tell you something.'' Finally Jake let her get it off her chest.
''Jake, honey, I need to tell you something before I die. During the last two months, I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father.''
''Don't worry about it,'' Jake said, ''I allready know. Why do you think I poisoned you?''

The Peanut
One evening, a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them with his mouth. In the middle of catching a peanut, his wife asked him a question. As he turned to answer her, the peanut feel into his ear. He tried and tried to dig the peanut out, but only succeeded in pushing it in deeper into his ear. He called his wife for assistance, and after several hours of trying to remove the peanut, they became concerned and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of their problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down. The young man then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father.
"That's wonderful. He's so smart! I wonder what he's gonna be when he grows up!"
"From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law."

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MVH - C
"Mina mappar är slut, kan ni sälja mig några nya...?"
- Förvirrad Mac-kund