Kanske gammal men....
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Tänk er tillbaka till 90-talet då yeltsin och clinton var presidenter sen läser ni detta:
Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God. During dinner he told them: I need three important people to send my message out to all the people: "Tomorrow I will destroy the earth."
Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: "I have two really bad news items for you:
- God really exists and
- Tomorrow He will destroy the earth."
Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told them: "I have good news and bad news:
- The GOOD news is that God really does exist
- The BAD news is, tomorrow He is going to destroy the earth."
Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and very happily announced: "I have two fantastic announcements:
- I am one of the three most important people on earth
- The Year 2000 problem is solved."
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Ännu bättre:
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One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to one of those annoying, pushy businessmen. He asks her if she would like to play a game. She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway.
He says, "It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong you will give me $5, and vice-versa."
She says no again, and tries to fall asleep.
The man tries harder, saying, "Aw, come on. I'll give you $50 for each question. Or how about $500?"
At that number, the blonde agrees.
The businessman explains again, "If you get my question wrong you give me $5. And when you ask the question, and I get it wrong, I will pay you $500.
"Got it," she replies.
He asks, "Who was the sixth president?" She admits she doesn't know and gives him $5.
Now it's her turn, and she says, "What has purple legs, five arms and only two yellow teeth?"
The businessman doesn't know - he uses his laptop, checks the Internet, e-mails his friends. No one knows the answer. So he gives her $500.00.
Then, as they're landing he asks her, "What was that thing anyway?"
She thinks a few minutes, hands him $5 and walks off the plane.
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En lite fräckare:
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A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied, "Yes."
So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?"
"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy.
"Four cents," he replies.
"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."
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Ännu en:
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In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male.
For many years the two statues faced each other. One morning an angel appeared before the statues and said: "Since you've both been exemplary statues and brought enjoyment to many people I am granting you your greatest wish. For 30 minutes, I grant you the gift of life. You can do whatever you desire..."
With that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods, and dove behind a couple of bushes.
The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL poo on its head."
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:e :e
